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Davidson: "A selfie with your dog in the park might work—you look like a real person.

Otherwise, it's hard to take a self-portrait, especially in the mirror, without looking like a vain asshole." Davidson: "People need to see your face, but shooting up close with a wide-angle lens makes your nose look bigger.

Have whoever's shooting step back just enough to get a three-fourths shot of your body." Urbinati: "White can wash out in photos, so if you're in shape, a simple well-fitting crew tee or Henley in gray is flattering and effortless.

Don't call yourself any of the following: witty, ambitious, down-to-earth, or humble.

Mention a few TV shows, movies, bands, and books you enjoy, but take it easy on the esoteric poetry, eight-year-old Bay Area rap lyrics, and the word I.

You want to say you're an oenophile or fluent in Klingon? The beauty of online dating is that it's stocked with people on the ends of the bell curve—the kind you'd never find normally. I have AMAZING friends who love to ski and drink too much Chablis!

See, your profile isn't meant to make a stranger fall in love with you.

Once you're sitting in front of her with the less-than- 15-percent hair loss that she's handicapped your photo for, then you can really get to know each other—as two hormone-leaking, masochistic adults who want so badly to be in love again.

Last modified 11-Dec-2014 22:37