“I was afraid that even a little acknowledgement, a crumb of ‘yes, I love you too,’ would be a reinforcement of what their idea of the future was.
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The idea that I could ever re-create that relationship has never crossed my mind. We are all looking for some kindness and peace with each other so let’s go out and make it happen.” Regarding marriage, Sid added, “Never say never, but it would take a real special woman who really understands widowhood, like another widow.
“My question: If there are so many women out there that value their independence and ‘don’t need a man to complete them,’ why is my position such a problem? “Lastly, in my experience, it takes a widow to understand a widower and vice versa.
Obviously there is no ‘bad’ person in some of these relationships, just two people with different goals of what they want in life, both struggling to achieve them.” Randy went on to say, when men don’t want to remarry later in life, and they are honest about those feelings with the women they date, “these women have to decide to accept those terms or move on to someone whose goals match their goals with the recognition that at this point in life, finding a caring and compatible relationship is a rare jewel indeed.” Sid, another widower, said, “I lost my wife to cancer and really miss her every day. I have dated divorced women who have also lost their marriage and they have a different view toward the relationship than I had.
’ “Not cruelly, but with conviction, I said that I did not.
Not to hurt them, not to discourage them or belittle their feelings but to make sure they recognized that I could not give beyond what they were getting.